FIL Follies

FIL arrived very late on Friday night. He flew to an airport that is about 2 hours away (we don't have an airport here) and then rented a car and drove here. In order to save $50 he took one of the last flights of the day. He didn't get here until 1 am (so technically, Saturday morning). He wanted us to bring the baby out to the hotel to see him. Umm, HELL no. Itchy had to go out to the hotel to get him checked in because FIL is not capable of booking a hotel by himself and made us do it for him. Whatever.

Saturday morning we woke to this sound: BEEP BEEP BEEP. Yep, Itchy's pager was going off. There was an oncology emergency and he had to go in. Great. It was an intensive case and he knew he'd be there for a while. We got ready very quickly and got Itchy to school. Stowa and I came home got ourselves ready, called FIL to say we were on our way, and then went out to the hotel. FIL was just getting dressed when we got there and he answered the door in a t-shirt and underwear (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot- he knew we were on our way out there). Don't answer the door like that. Take a minute to throw some pants on. I'll gladly wait.

He was sad that Itchy wasn't with us and kept asking when he'd be done. Then FIL tried to sing happy birthday to Stowa (she turned 5 months on Friday). I don't know if he forgot the words or if it was some Indian version of the song but it made me laugh. He was SO SAD that he didn't get to see her on her "birthday". Hmm, if it really meant that much to you, you should have booked an earlier flight. You keep telling me that you have more money than you know what to do with. That $50 you saved is what prevented you from seeing her on her "birthday", not the fact that I wasn't bringing her out to the hotel at 1 am.

We sat around at the hotel letting the baby play. FIL was annoyed that Stowa was playing strange with him. He told me that I need to put her in daycare so that she gets use to having other people hold her. I'll get right on that.

FIL was telling me that arthritis is really bad and he isn't suppose to lift more than 10-15 lbs now. I jokingly said uh oh, that means you can't lift the baby! She weighs at least 16 pounds now. He argued with me and said that she only felt like she was 10 pounds. Umm, my kid was born at over 8 pounds. She hit 10 pounds by the time she was a month old. I have a scale at our house, and while it may not be all that accurate, I have a pretty good idea of how much she weighs. Yet he kept telling me that she couldn't weigh that much yet. This will come up again on Sunday.

Finally Itchy had a break. He patient was still very sick but he had a few hours to go get lunch. We go pick him up and go to eat lunch. FIL isn't the kind of guy that you invite to dinner parties. Aside from his gross eating habits, he does not talk in between bites. Most people can maintain some conversation while eating. You know, have a bite of food, swallow, participate in the conversation and so on. Not FIL. He doesn't say anything. It was awkward. Before long it was time to get Itchy back to the hospital.

FIL wanted to go look for new shoes. Ok. Itchy has told me over and over that "we don't take that kind of crazy to public places". I didn't want to do it, but I took him to the mall. We go to every shoe store in the mall and no one has his size (seriously, he can wear kid's shoes). It took hours and we left empty handed. FIL is like a 3 year old. He doesn't watch where he is walking. He touches everything. He thinks that everyone should get out of his way. He wouldn't ask the sales people to help him, he would only talk to them if they approached him first. We had to stop every 20 feet so that he could make faces at the baby. Flipping annoying.

The best part of this trip? When he called me fat. Yep. Thanks jackass. We were walking through a store and after he doused himself in women's perfume, he once again asked why I didn't bring the stroller. I told him that Stowa loves the carrier and she prefers it over the stroller. Then he says "Well maybe carrying her will help you lose weight. Are you exercising? You still look big." I was pissed. There was no mistaking the look on my face. So he added "It's ok though because you're still feeding the baby". As hard as it was, I just bit my tongue. He went on and on about how the baby will be done nursing soon and she can eat real, healthy food soon, and then I can lose the weight. I didn't say a single word. I was amazed by my self restraint. Anyone else would have gotten bitched out. And maybe punched.

After all that fun we went back to the hotel. The baby and I did our thing (reading books, counting, playing, etc). He sat in a chair and watched. He's too old to sit on the floor and play. He wants Stowa to be the little tiny newborn that is happy to be held in the rocking chair all day. She's not. She likes to play. She likes to roll around. She likes when people are silly and make her laugh. Every once and a while he would demand that she sit with him, but she wasn't having it. Finally at 9 pm, Itchy was done for the day. He came out to the hotel and we were going to get dinner, but FIL decided that he wanted us to go home and get rest so that we could all come out there early Sunday morning. Itchy told him that he had to go back to the hospital at 6 am since his patient was still there. I told FIL and the baby and I would come out there around 10 am.

Stayed tuned for FIL Follies part 2...